my morning mantra. sometimes you just have to listen to your body. I turned off my alarm, skipped my morning run, and am just trying to sense into how I feel. I have some coffee to drink, some orders to do, and some laundry to fold, but maybe that's it for the day. maybe I will take a rest day . .
-putting yourself out there, taking things that you have made and displaying them in front of a bunch of strangers and inviting them to judge you is hard. But-
-If you want to do a show, do it, even if you aren't ready for it. Everything is a learning experience! If you do something that doesn't work, you can change it for the next one. Life is a practice, not a perfect performance.
-Setting up is waaayy easier than breaking down!
-Having company (and help) makes it a lot more fun. Dave was with me for the entire morning, and my booth was set up next to my friend and her husband, so I was lucky there and definitely not lonely!
-Seeing people you know at the show is sooo special. Huge smiles and huge hugs make everything better. And if they came specifically to see you, then there aren't even words for how freaking special that is!
-I think there will always be at least one person with a rude, unsolicited opinion. Smiling and wishing them well is the best response, I think. (It's how I handled it, anyway!)
-heartfelt compliments from strangers are one of the best things ever and things you'll keep forever, even if they don't buy anything. A man told me - "you have such a distinctive, recognizable style and your paintings have such happy colors" and I am so treasuring that today!!
-selling a painting is so humbling and moving.
-Doing a 10 mile race the day after an all day show isn't necessarily recommended (but can be fun).
-being married to someone who is super supportive IS recommended (and can also be fun)
feeling low today, and there isn't much I can do on days like this except be there with the low feeling. I usually try to chase it away or distract myself but today I am just being there. painted a bit. this is my now.
I have carpet cleaners coming today and a million things to do to get my house ready for them before they get here, but I am painting a little bit instead. Oops, don't tell anyone. Here's some mixed media fun that I am playing with (including some crayon hearts given to me by my 5 year old niece ❤️💚). No idea the direction this painting is going and that's okay..
I had the best weekend. Last minute invite and decision to go run the Gasparilla half marathon.. and the whole time I was running I kept thinking, "how freaking lucky am I that I am able to do this?" I have legs strong enough to carry me 13 miles, and friends good enough to drive us the 100 miles to get there and share beds with, and non-stop laughter and good vibes the entire time. Thank you for sharing your weekend with me, girls, and for being in my life. I will never stop being grateful that this is my life.
I woke up today feeling an inexplicable, weird blend of despair and lethargy. I came into my little studio to paint a bit, with no clear goal or idea in mind, and found myself starting to cover an already finished painting with dark, dark gray. I covered almost half of it before I realized what I was doing. To counter it, reached for the white, and ended up painting myself a message. I guess I now know part of what is weighing on me. And what I should focus on today. Doing what I can.
when I spread paint around intuitively, without any goal in mind, sometimes even with my eyes closed, I am always amazed by what comes out. this showed up for me this morning and is really speaking to me.
Learning that if I am to be able to give back at all, I have to take time for myself. It used to feel selfish, but now I have realized that it's simply an act of self-love. Do the yoga (thank you for your class and your voice today Michele Medeiros) and savor the cup of great coffee (thank you Open Mikes) and take care of yourself, dammit. You're all you've got.
I'm thankful for trees and for hugs, for light and love and life of all kinds. I'm thankful for strong legs to run and strong roots to rise. I'm thankful for a husband who supports me in everything I do. I'm thankful for parents who raised me with so much compassion and empathy, who raised me to appreciate Mother Earth and all of her creatures and to take care of it and all of them as best I can. I'm thankful for siblings who love like I do. I'm thankful for friends. If you can read this, I am thankful for you. I am thankful for freedom and for life. I can't wait to start new traditions this year and every year, to do my part to make our world a little bit better, to shine my little light as best and as bright as I can.
I have always been what I jokingly refer to as a "control enthusiast". Maybe not quite a freak about control, but probably more serious an issue than my "enthusiasm" jokes would let you believe. Traumas at a young age led to eating disorders, attachment, abandonment, and trust issues. None of that is special or unique to me. It is all textbook, yet that textbook can contain a world of pain inside its pages.
This photo is me face down on the floor, announcing to myself and everyone else that 2017 will be the year I surrender. I will surrender my control, my need for control, and the issues that made me desperately believe I needed the control in the first place. Life is a series of obstacles, ups and downs, traumas and miracles, love and loss. It will happen with me or without me, and with my consent or without it. I do not need to give life permission to happen, but I need to give myself permission to allow that life to happen. No expectations, no need to control or change outcomes. I am a survivor, not a victim. A humble witness. I surrender.
I've chosen my word of the year for 2017: practice. It is not the word I originally wanted to choose. It came to me as I was on my knees, face to the floor, eyes closed, trying to calm my heart and dry a tear during a moving yoga class.
Every day when I wake up, I have the chance to start again, not just on the new year. I can practice being the best version of myself every time I wake up.
Every time I meet a friend or family member, any person, any animal, I can practice love and gratitude.
Every time I look in a mirror, I can practice acceptance and learn to love myself. Every time I step onto my yoga mat, I have the chance to start something fresh and new, a new practice.
Every time I feel pain, I can practice being honest and vulnerable.
Every time I read the news, I can practice compassion.
Every time I wash clothes, I can practice folding them instead of ignoring them. Or I can practice giving things away.
Every time I listen to a song, I can practice singing. I can practice art, music, speaking, listening, friendship, trust, yoga, running, breathing, kindness, empathy, humility, appreciation, love.
Life is a practice, not a performance. We never have to be perfect, we just have to show up. Live on, practice on. ❤️
I am all about going minimalist this year, so I am giving stuff away and selling the rest. If you haven't signed up for poshmark yet, you can get $5 to spend when you sign up with this link. I am listing a bunch of my stuff. I have them all set up to accept offers, too.. I just want it gone!! (The code to use for free money is GCGBO)